My free time in research.

It is consuming and it is wonderful.

Viking Symbols, Norse Symbols, Asatru Symbols: http://symboldictionary.net/?page_id=703

Something that I find I enjoy is to Google for Asatru ‘Insert So and So God Here’ worship, and I’ll read about the perceptions and experiences certain followers have of their God. So I like the way Wayland Skallagrimsson describes his experiences. I have not read his books but I find his writing to resonate well with me. I like the peek at some of the aspects Odin and Loki that I get to see through him: http://uppsalaonline.com/loki.htm

I find this blog to be very informative: http://readingheathenism.wordpress.com/

For a long while now I think this website breaks down the beginner’s concept of the myth well: http://norse-mythology.org/gods-and-creatures/

Odin and Loki? Thor and Balder?

I don’t really know why I decided to write it this way. Perhaps for the ‘what would you do if you were experiencing this’ relation to the scenario. Also in writing it this way, I feel like I am able to leave out specifics of things too personal for me to share.

So you stay a few nights at an inpatient mental hospital in which you had your 28th birthday. Saturn’s Return is coming to get you and you’re already experiencing a great deal of terror in preparation for the harrowing. Your condition is unstable as you are burnt out on survival, you’ve lost your sense of humor and you are now dangerous.

So 4 nights after you’ve returned home to your scalding trailer without power, you dream of two Gods lucidly in a big hall of epic proportions. The ceiling feels like it is stories high with lots of browns, blues, and greys coloring the dark outstretched room. Little windows of light illuminate the hall from the ceiling. This hall is clean and empty all but for two individuals in the center … and now yourself suddenly in the center of this magnificent room. Their eyes are on you, you are the focal point of their conversation. They are studying you, calculating your chances, but welcoming you like you are already well known to them. You know these two Gods. You know this place. A place out of time, far away, but as close as home is. It is quiet here with no echoes.

The larger God sits on a huge stone throne that reaches to the ceiling splintering up and up. He is buffer than any body builder you have ever seen and still looks good. He is pale and has red hair, but his head is shaved, and he has a long thick red beard hanging down to his chest. His eyes are sharp especially on the outer edges. He has amber colored eyes. His cheek bones are sharp, his jaw is square with his neck. He looks young, maybe about age 30 if that old. His voice was full, deep, and proud, not loud, but strong. He is sometimes wearing a large horned helmet at certain angles. He is wearing no shirt just gauntlets, brown pants, and dark brown boots. He holds a large spear in one hand, the spear is almost as tall as the throne he sits upon. He is particularly friendly with you. You can’t really place the affection but you play along anyways trying to pretend that you understand the familiarity and that you are cool with everything that is culminating around you.

The other God stood tall and lanky. His face more diamond shaped, his cheek bones more rounded, and his eyes are wider. He has green eyes, and short blonde slightly curly hair with a hint of red in it. He is wearing fancy clothes that seem to change their color theme occasionally. Long pants, long sleeves, a popped collar and his hair sleeked back occasionally flowing around, curls and all. He is soft spoken, not feminine but not overtly masculine either. He is assertive and well mannered.

At the end of this greet you are told that you should take this time to mentally prepare yourself, all is well, but you need to get ready to be tested relentlessly, out of love. The one in the throne pulls away from you, taking his arm from around your waist as he sat back. He had spent some time speaking to you candidly, yet closely, you get the feeling he likes you. He then directs you to the blonde God smiling quietly, and you are told that this one, his close friend, will be overseeing your experiences, grading your efforts, and personally calculating riveting tests for your betterment. You become acquainted. The God on the the throne bids you farewell as you turn around to leave with the other God. Then, side by side, you walk out of the hall. A God walking by your side. . . You experience various planes of dreaming with him. Various experiences including sex with trees. Hey . . . it happened and you liked it. You really liked it. You perhaps spent too much time in the ‘field of trees’ , practicing flying and morphing. There were many kinds of interesting, funny, and challenging tests as well as battles.

A lot of the endless dream you spend alone in your trials, sometimes for so long you wonder if he is even there anymore. Usually just before you give up on ever seeing him again he is there. Sometimes he is with you at the start of a new quest issuing expectations and challenges. Then times when he is in the middle of a challenge with you instructing you on new techniques, like when he showed you how to conjure matter from nothing into various sized metal ***** in your hand that you needed to aim at incoming violent shaped changing electrical beasts. Then there were other times you shared moments alone at various places where you are able to get to know one another better.

One in particular is a large dark mansion-like castle. You both are calmly strolling down the dim corridors and after a lengthy more personal chat, he turns to you to warn you of events that you have approaching your near future. In this action you see him let down his demeanor and you see his compassion for you displayed as he holds back speaking further about the matter. His expression softens as he returns from his pause saying that it is too terrible, the things that are supposed to happen to you really are very bad and very challenging and he is in disagreement with how it will all be executed. He takes this moment to assure you that he won’t be so harsh on you when that time comes.

He elastically goes back to his former demeanor and beckons you to your next series of tests. You feel grateful, but uncertain . . . you are very well aware of your waking life in your lucid dream. Can you even bare one more terrible thing to happen? Do you even have the reserves to survive any longer of what you are already enduring? Do you even have the sanity? An uneasy feeling envelopes you and grows upon you the more you quest beyond this point.

There is a point where ‘spiritual credits’? are traded. He asked for 70,000 you think it hard to turn down a God, specially one that is testing you. He could really use those credits for something that he needs to do. You regret not asking him more about what these credits are for as you bring your empty hand to shake his for the transaction. He smiles almost eerily once you give him your hand and he states, “ Good . . . but you only have 8,000 left.” and that thought lingers with you as he leaps backwards fading into the background scenery.

The series of endless lucid dreams ends with him arising to your defense in an inflated task gone awry. He pops into existence several feet in front of you onto a long thin sky high ivory bridge you have ventured onto during your quest. A short staff shoots out of his hand just as soon as his feet touch the ivory floor. There are very dark rain clouds festering all around you both, swirling in circles with occasional static hissing out of them. There is no ground, no structure in sight besides the ivory bridge beneath your feet and swirling dark Grey clouds almost hugging you from the edges. He looks at you intently and beckons you away from your location.

He inserts himself into the situation approaching your side and staring off angrily just behind you. He demands control of the dreamscape. He is elaborately telling a disembodied dream entity to back off his territory and stop interfering with his plans for you. The entity didn’t want to listen so the dream starts quaking apart as a battle with you and him VS the unseen forces begins. As the forces are lured into the dream to where they can be damaged and warded off, the dream shatters. You never saw these forces appear, you never knew they were there. They made no sound or had any vibe that announced their presence. You were simply trying to cross the bridge when you were ambushed and surrounded by darkness. He got there just as the darkness was manifesting, he was aware at least.

Then 4 months later, when the stuff about the 8,000 spiritual credits you have left is still bothering you, you are AWAKE and in your powerless backroom with a couple of candles going, idly staring off while peering in a medium sized x3 magnification makeup mirror across the room. Ooo, you didn’t know you can do this with this mirror, and you start having fun making the room spin. After playing with the images that you can make out of the mirror by just moving your head a little, you see a black hooded figure, the same curly blonde God, watching you intently in great detail. He is unmoving and still. He looks vary serious and stern. You get the feeling that he is waiting for something and watching out for you. This part isn’t a dream. You hold onto his image for a long as you can. Weaving from side to side recalling the image into the mirror if you happen to lose it by a slight movement. He is there for about 10 minutes, and then gone.

I lucid dream a lot. I am always in various lucid dream battles. But I never dream of the Gods. And I never see things that ‘aren’t there’ when I am awake, I’ve never had that ability. But I always needed something -certain- and -concrete-. So I’ve walked in perpetual doubt most of my life in regards to the other realms. I’ve never been the one to hype myself up on the possibility of something mystical happening when there is just too much a chance of it being something else altogether, I’ve always needed convincing. And—I can no longer walk in doubt about life after death and many things now.

The dream happened on July 15th, with me seeing him again on 11th of November. I’ve never had an experience even remotely like this and I am wondering what position I have myself in and what I should do with it. I am also wondering, although I think I have an idea, who those two Gods were—-but why they would have that kind of an interest in me is beyond me. I’m a lost soul barely eking out a lone existence and surviving at this time. I am still learning a lot about Asatru as this whole world opened up under my feet swallowing me whole just at the at spring 2014. Needless to say, most active summer in about seven years of solitude.